how to jokingly call someone old

* they were instructing you in the proper ways of the world because you were clearly naive. Its also only a term Ive ever heard men use, at least socially. How do I determine which name to use when meeting someone from a website for the first time in person? I think the getting carded thing has become really common. I actually prefer Maam by a wide margin but have been in conversations with service staff who were specifically told to call all women Miss because Maam was considered offensive. Id be fine with Miz as the pronounced version of Ms but nobody ever does that its always Miss and its always quite deliberate and its always annoying but not enough so to complain. (Hopefully what I do say will warm him up to it by someone else, which I think is often the goal of things like this. Yeah my dad regularly gets assumed to be about 10 years younger than he is a trait that he has lovingly passed down to both myself and my brother. Here are just a few funny terms you can use: 1. Thank you. Mx. If I was 60, I guess I understand what hes trying to do there, but at 40 its just confusing. LAURA CARSTENSEN: When I told her I was an old lady, she said, no you're not, and this was when she was about 5 years old. Its a work problem for two reasons: one, because someone who was working did this and a person across the counter was asking how to handle it, and two, because this happens so very commonly in all sorts of work environments that its helpful to have feedback on how to respond to it. Benevolent sexism is still sexism. I also hate when waiters tell me their first name, it is too friendly and casual for me. 15 Reasons Why Mental Health Is Important. And, honestly, only assholes on both sides participate in the stigmatization. Yeah, there just flat is not a good alternative to sir/maam. Im not one to tell people to deal with it when it comes to stuff like this, but sir/maam have a long history of being used as polite forms of address for people whose names you dont know, and are better than the alternatives. I want to be an old battleaxe that still has a sharp blade. You can fight the man without making the young person earning $8.50/hr at Target feel invisible and small. Fried Green Tomatoes. I would have preferred italics. You CLEARLY dont need to show ID to prove you are above 21! There are many different ways to refer to someone who is elderly. And the ones that see them as a compliment? OK, but the thing about yall and folks is that theyre features of a stigmatized dialect. Yes, its intertwined with sexism here, but its a thing in its own right, and Im always a little bemused at how much slack it gets cut. If someone whos not in my age cohort uses those words its condescending as hell and massively inaccurate. It puts all the awkwardness back on them without being confrontational. He suggested that I discuss whatever we were talking about with my husband at least 6 times over an hour-long period despite my correcting him that I dont have a husband and am the only decision maker in this situation every single time. He too said it was how hed been raised. facetiously. You can remember when there were only three TV channels, @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-curiousdesire_com-leader-2-0-asloaded{max-width:300px!important;max-height:250px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'curiousdesire_com-leader-2','ezslot_10',111,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-curiousdesire_com-leader-2-0');20. I do not jowever ask other similarly aged (or older) propke if they are turning 39 again hur hur hur because, its ridiculous. "Oh hey, thanks." Why do people act like non-verbal communication doesnt exist? Think about voters from 18 to 25 Imagine if a newspaper called them juniors instead of young voters, she said. This is an industry wide problem. Thats like saying you should see a paycheck reduction every time you mistake someones name, or compliment someones outfit instead of their work. How to take large amounts of money away from the party without causing player resentment? when a terminix tech came lout to do an inspection Oooo, is this a great typo? I actually had this happen (the young lady) from one of the workers at my local corner store (like very local, just in front of my side of my buildings parking lot local) whom I regularly chat with for a couple of minutes when I stop in. When I was in customer service I worked really hard to find a way to speak without addressing people as anything. Follow @anyanglehumor "Enjoy Life From Any Angle" Clothing Line Now Available (Click Here)! I am nearing 60 and I would not be bothered by Miss or Maam. I remember when I was in my early 20s and would feel slightly shocked to be called Maam but would n0t be upset or outraged by it. My mom would raise an eyebrow and say Whoever told you that young lady remark is cute is WRONG, and then take one step closer and stare at the offender. Well said, Wulfgar, and Im surprised some of those pro-OP comments have been left published. Let it go. And nonas comment in response to yours is identifying just why this makes me so crazy. I'll f**king kill you." This is not intended to be something one guesses based on appearance. One can debate whether or not young lady used on an older woman is sexist and ageist, and thats fine. If someone referred to me as young lady, I might be slightly irked but I really do not have the bandwidth to make it a Teachable Moment, and I think Im pretty good at telling when someone is attempting to be polite versus actually being condescending. I popped my head into the kitchen. In his free time, Yusuf loves to spend time with books, nature & his family. Much. And still, employees get caught in stings. ), And what Im trying to say is, the (sadly correct) fact that someone will find offense with anything doesnt mean that its ok to go on the full offensive and use something that the majority of people will find issues with. As it happens, that practice faded for all the residents by the time my father decided to move, but that was clearly an intentional practice of respect for people who often dont get it, and it did indeed prove to be a good sign. Insteada quick neutral toned hey, dont call me that or hey, most people, including me, wouldnt want to be referred to that way would be the best way to handle it. Im guessing you dont live in one of them. Anyway, obviously Alison thought it was relevant enough to answer. I think many commentors dont have your experience and dont realize how unhelpful and unproductive it is to help the lowly customer service rep reconsider. People between the ages of 65 and 75 are often more similar to people in middle age., Even then, focusing on a particular number seems misguided. I've both dreaded getting older and been surprised by its unexpected gifts. I havent been young since the days of speakeasies and flapper dresses and Ive never been a lady. That shut them down without too much issue. How can I push back firmly in a way that creates a teaching experience? interesting about the health consequences! If you know someone who actually saw Elvis Presley on "The Ed Sullivan Show," chances are they're 65 or more. Kathy Bates after intentionally smashing into the car of an arrogant younger woman who took her parking space. Psychology Today Having worked for a grocery store chain that was very big on being known for southern hospitality, I can say that this is quite possibly something they are trained/told to say. Ironically, older women have much more disposable income than younger ones. Agreed. He dropped his tray and you paid for another meal for him. I fully intend to steal this, if I may. It would be patronizing and obnoxious from anyone less than 90. Accuracy and availability may vary. Back then, I had a crush on him, so he couldve called me a, I dont know, grouchy old curmudgeon and I wouldve been aww, he is so sweet. Its good you published it anyway. WebP.s. Dont stiff people. That attitude irks me to no end. You: *insert mirthful laughter here* What an odd thing to say! (amused tone of voice) To me this is a type of person who sweats the small stuff and projects malice, sexism, and ill intent on those who are actually just trying to be friendly. Privacy Policy. Archived post. Thank the powers that be I dont have to do it anymore. Good Night Clara! Roscoe for President of the Comment Thread. People thought it was funny that they were still working and dating. As recently as last week an older, male co-worker called me the same. Yes. Its certainly got nothing to do with management. Yay for pushing back and good lesson for your son! Now we both aspire to be Miss Marple. 34 years in California and counting can confirm. Maybe in the original French, but in practice, at least where I live, it just means adult and female. I agree with Alison that your wording is fine. Or shes been socialised to act that way, and on the inside shes thinking what a patronising, sexist jerk you are. What do you call them, seniors? I was taught that at a young age and use it myself. Do you even realize how offensive it can be to hear, "I know people half your age who are way older than you"? NPR's Ina Jaffe talks with Scott Simon about the struggle to find the right words to describe older people. I disagree that this level of rude and rooted in sexism, ie. There are at least three salesMEN who have had me walk out because of that shit. An old person is anyone older than you. Today I went to a store where someone who was in his 20s or 30s looked at me and said, How can I help you, young lady? The store wasnt busy, so I told him what I have told others a few times: When you call me young, it makes me think you immediately notice how old a person is before you consider them as an individual.. Funny Ways to Call Someone Old 1.) Retail salespeople are not using these terms to put people in their place. They arent getting paid to learn, or to be taught a lesson by someone who thinks they KNOW better, when in reality its just their preference. I do agree that most of the time its likely just policy and/or law theyre following. They get all the rest of the underlying nuance, etc. all the time, that you are really just taking something completely out of context and making their day harder. Double yikes! Oh, hell, no. While I would never use young lady or young man to refer to someone, and I agree with the OPs sentiments, I also agree with Roscoe in that retail and food service workers do have to deal with So. I think your phrase works pretty well to start a full conversation. My mom would do this, because she didnt change her last name, so there was indeed no such person as Mrs. Momname DadLastName. Its toxic, paternalistic misogyny. Ive not objected to darling, dear and many more when it was obvious the person meant no harm but young lady is minimising and disrespectful. Please assume the best intentions in service staff is better wording. Well, according to the OP in reference to what happened to OPs coworker, calling someone hon who didnt like it should be grounds for them to terminate their business relationship with you. common platitudes is different from the proper way to address a stranger. Something can be quite common and still wrong. It happened with pretty much every single question the entire time we were there, like the guy could not accept that I was the one negotiating and making the final decisions. Not using any honorific is too familiar or casual. I wouldnt go so far as saying its improper- if someone else wants to be called that, its fine with me. Hmmm.. a peer situation reads somewhat differently to me. Ive worked retail and I know the hell that it is. Id love to have been a fly on the wall for the conversation where a family tells their son to address older woman as young lady. All rights reserved. to Do When Someone Insults You If you didnt tip because of this, you are even more immature than the well-intentioned nature of the waiter calling you girls. If any harm was done, it was to that poor employees ego. Jokingly accuse them of having an ulterior motive for teasing you. Its definitely sexist. Love it. Web"Oh, this old thing?" Heh. I know people here, where none of them are in any way common, who use them because thats just how they talk. They're traveling. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. Didnt (Doesnt!) Still a bit iffy, but not so bad. Just because you go to a place where people work (i.e. Then understood. I never did it at my Office Job, and I certainly dont do it with my attorney clients now, but at the Fancy Makeup Store where youre encouraged to treat your clients as friends, it just sometimes happened! Sometimes I accidentally started a sentence and had to say you. Because people, especially women socialized to set aside their own feelings in favor of not making waves or causing trouble or making a scene, look forward to the liberty often granted to older folks to say what they think with fewer social repercussions. When people call me 'young at heart' they mean something like active, adventurous, creative, involved. Same. Im a 30ish woman and a landlord of a small (4-family) building and this same thing happened to me when a terminix tech came lout to do an inspection. @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-curiousdesire_com-narrow-sky-1-0-asloaded{max-width:300px!important;max-height:250px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'curiousdesire_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_16',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-curiousdesire_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Whether you want an inside joke or something poetic and romantic the next time you need a fun way to refer to someone aged in years but young at heart look no further than these terms. My dad needed me to explain what blackface was. I understood he must have been raised to be that way and didnt say anything, but OMG what kind of environment did he grow up in? On the flip side though, my partner has said that no person he dealt with in retail has ever been more difficult than older white women. :D If that helps Some of them can be quite biting its the best. A friend of mine who is a professor states, You can call me Dr. MyLastName or Mrs. HisLastName but dont call me Mrs. MyLastName.. (I had a good laugh about it with my trainer.) regularly calls me young lady or kiddo over IM. But lots of people subtly and directly both pushing back can.). It makes you look not like an adult professional, but a high school intern. Referring to a broader group, A term we often use is people age 50 and up and/or people 50-plus, said Jo Ann Jenkins, the CEO of AARP. For me, I try not to assume malice. So much this. Not calling older women young lady is not a burden on service workers. Not milady. rev2023.7.5.43524. The sales clerk may not mean any harm, but perpetuating the idea that you look way younger than your actual age is something that women should appreciate or feel complimented by is harmful, even if only in a small way. Me yes maam Workers are not typically docked pay for mistakes. Not that the OP is being difficult. But, as Allison says for many situations its too long. It also shows a severe lack of reading comprehension, since the relevance to work is quite clear in the letter, assuming basic critical reasoning abilities. Sometimes its good for people to understand that things they might not think of as harmful or offensive can be so to others. Just because you think its harmless does not make it so. Not to say your way was confusing, or that customer service workers wouldnt understand it- I just think the suggested way is much more to the point and doesnt put you as much in a position for them to argue back? What is this even doing *here*? Im all for evolving and treating people as human beings. My son is on the spectrum, and at that point in his life, used dude to address everyone: men, women, children, babies, dogs, cats Which of course does not excuse him. As long as being old is something to avoid at all costs (literally, anti-aging is a multibillion-dollar industry), people will want to avoid being identified as such., Aware of these biases, Buch has come to favor the terms older adults and older people in both academic writing and everyday conversation, explaining that those phrases are simple, descriptive, and foreground the personhood/adulthood of the people being described. Pillemer made a similar point: Unlike other categories and labels, older is a descriptor that people can move into without having it seem like its a whole different category of human being., I think youre going to see a movement almost entirely to older adults or older people, Pillemer said. are all very common platitudes and informal means of polite address. I agree, I dont see the value in snarkily responding to, or explaining sexism to, a stranger who Im never going to see again, especially a stranger who might not even have the power to correct their actions (could be a directive from management). You could tell he never meant it in a patronizing way. But saying, When you call me young, it makes me think you immediately notice how old a person is before you consider them as an individual. thats a zero-to-100 response. I mean, its fine to not like it I dont like being called maam and usually joke about it with whomever did but I just the level of animosity here about it seems more directed at the sexism understood with it rather than the phrase. SIMON: (Laughter) What do you mean warn me? There are, of course, other less popular, less colloquial ways to say it (#years of age, a woman of 80 years etc.) Question of Venn Diagrams and Subsets on a Book, Looking for advice repairing granite stair tiles. Sure, but that doesnt mean you have to punish the person for it. It might be different if it were a boss or a co-worker trying to gaslight you but, honestly, it is a little extreme. Should I own up, or should I try and pass it off as something else? As a man, who is 51, I can tell you that if someone thought I was 41 (or younger), I would take it as a compliment. When you call me young lady, it tells me you have noticed my age, and you think Im old. The word is gaining popularity not because it is perfectit presents problems of its ownbut because it seems to be the least imperfect of the many descriptors English speakers have at their disposal. 7 Alternatives to Calling Someone a "Senior Citizen Parched 12. Its a regional thing, I see it happen to people of all ages (that are clearly not young, say 30-90) and meant to be a sort of jovial conversation starter. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. There were customers who were upset when they got the discount and didnt qualify for it and there were customers who were upset when they didnt get the discount and they did qualify for it. I keep forgetting to change my name to OG Karyn when I post, so I apologize if people think my comment about working at the makeup store was from you! The daughter was not amused.). Ever. And shes asking for just general advice for dealing with everyone, not just retail workers. Its dealing with someone who is doing their job. Tremendous. The effect of forms of address is heavily dependent on speaker, recipient, and context. Its infantilizing. Yeah, technically its short for Madam(e), which is used for married women Mademoiselle is miss/unmarried/young. However in the past 6 months I have heard three separate instances of ESL speakers calling all women Milady which I find so much less offensive that I hope native speakers of English adopt the habit. If I were a customer in my 60s and someone in his 30s or younger said this to me, I would absolutely put him in his place. It is less broadly relevant though. Do you think he's being mean when he does it, or cute? Goodness, I hope you stretched before that leap. I mean, Im not actually SAYING this to them, Im making the point on this here website that this joke works differently for women than it does for men. I call everyone slow grandma. When people call me "young at heart" they mean something like active, adventurous, creative, involved. update: if I quit my job when everyone else is quitting, the organization will fall apart, rude instructor comments on our food choices, husband wont wear noise-canceling headphones at home, and more, coworker is always late because she stops for coffee, my boss told me to change my ringtone, and more, updates: unhappy with changes at work, asking to unblock a website, and more. (Id say neither is especially common, but very few are put off by it.). Ignore them if theyre being negative. Yeah, my primary association with young lady as a vocative is an authoritarian dad admonishing his teenage daughter to be back by curfew, or the like. They want customers to avoid being PITAs by being pleasant, polite, and fast; a lot of times the people trying to lift their spirits are more annoying than the people who just silently pay and get the heck out. I favor, when youre my age, you can call me young lady. The smarter ones chuckle and occasionally have the grace to look abashed, the others sit and look puzzled. Yeah, I mean, neither my mother nor I changed our names when we got married, so in my case Mrs. MyLastName is actually my paternal grandmother, while Mrs. HusbandsLastName is my mother-in-law. The sales person is supposed to automatically decline the sale. Would you make the same comments to a man? What am I supposed to, memorize her face and put it next to Do not call young lady again?, Personally, Id just stop calling everyone young lady unless I was busting someone under 18 shoplifting. Milady sounds so Fedora Shrek though. Just to be clear, Im not justifying the waiters action or saying this shouldve been let go, Im just trying to understand how other people are seeing this. One reason this topic is getting more difficult by the day is that people are living longer. Ive definitely experienced people asking for ID intending it as some weird form of flattery. Its not that I dont realize its a problembut I may never see this particular woman ever again, and plenty of people arent offended. Its only a compliment if you accept the premise that being younger is better, or that looking younger is better. And most of them, if treated poorly because they were women, would have been more inclined to rip the guys nuts off and feed them to him than merely complain. So when you actually were a young lady? A handy guide for when its ok to address someone as young lady: You are her parent and shes in big, BIG trouble, young lady! Saying please dont call me that in a polite tone of voice is not going out of your way to make someone feel shitty.. This is what hes talking about which is NOT what the OP is talking about. This. Usually its their position in the audience and/or clothing (i.e. For some, the term elders work as well and is seen as respectful. OP I feel you. Mouse, I would answer because I knew who they were talking to, even though they had used the wrong honorific. Yep, its pretty clearly, I assume all people (especially women) are desperate to cling to the appearance of youth, so even though you do not look like a college student, Ill pretend you do. Its weird and uncomfortable. Following up verbally to make it clear to them that Im confused because they said young lady and Im not a young lady is optional. React With Anger 2. Theres stuff I hate being called by CS people too, but making them feel like shit after what is probably a very hard day for them is much worse than them erring on their words. You guys is common enough (at least on the west coast) as a neutral plural that calling it out would be seen as pretty high maintenance. and that he was indeed a bit older than the people he was using it with. Customer service of all kinds really does get the short end of the stick a lot and this is one more issue. Well then, politely correct them. Exactly. Overall, two-thirds of the Marist Poll respondents considered 65 to be middle-aged or even young. These classifications are a bit perplexing, given that, well, old age has to start sometime. WebMine are 1. Psychology Today The other day a 40 something guy who works there, whos a real sweetheartweve even treadmilled together sometimescame over to me and said, super sincerely, I just want to say, its SO inspiring to see you here. Avoiding conflict when showing my family my new name. Calling someone a whiner and challenging their reading comprehension skills are personal attacks, and I thought those kinds of thinsg werent allowed here. That. Uh, ok. were just friends. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information. Say, lived in every one of the 3000 or so counties long enough to get a good feel for the local culture? Me too. Customers can be curmodgeons or they can be polite. signs a guy is flirting with you (and what Its a way of minimizing us and making us easily dismissed. It is a fact in the south that women do generally (yes, I know I am making a broad generalization here) prefer to be assumed to be younger than they are. She's the head of the Stanford Center on Longevity, and she had this encounter with her little granddaughter. a mild feeling or expression is one that is not very strong or severe. Im here because I like reading what she writes. jokingly Referring to someone as a young lady feels respectful, actually. Hmmm, some people wouldnt, but I had the ahem. There are many different ways to refer to someone who is elderly. I dont have anything else to add here, but gross. It took an hour to get our food. JOKE (Id think that calling someone over the age of 20 miss is a bit like this young lady thing.). Unless you mean all yall. If anyone says that to a group you are in, steel yourself. I think when its that they are actively rude. Theres no perfect age. And third, as Berridge, the gerontologist, pointed out, older adult implies a younger adult age as the unspoken norm. Still, she told me, I use older adult because it seems like the least-bad option at this point in time.. In alaska, they have to card everyone, which I learned when I went on vacation there this summer. In the letter the CS person wasnt a 90 yr old guy who might view a 60 yr old woman as a young lady it was a guy pointing out the fact that she ISNT a young lady. To be honest, as a former retail employee, I would smile and nod through all of this and wonder why are you making that my problem? and not change a single thing. I think its intended to be taken as a humorous sort of compliment? Its also about groups. Unless theres only 1 woman in your hypothetical crowd of men, or 1 teenager in a group of older people. But its not correct for me, and at this time its not the default usage and really never has been. Very few people are put off by it. You expressed a standard, which Confused (who I was responding to) didnt they just implied that you can never not tip, and anyway this was perfectly ok. Its definitely NOT just how people talk. Try this three-step approach to dealing with difficult people at the office : Identify the person that irks you. flippantly. And this is the perfect way to say you remember how different things used to be. You could always say 'Please don't call me that, ok?' I dont as a general rule object to being called anything not pejorative. Or Freudian slip? Formal and causal. There is a definite power dynamic in play, and this is one of the very few times I think its appropriate to tell someone to check their privilege. As somebody who makes this slip up a lot in face to face conversations with people, my go-to strategy is immediately apologizing and trying to convey my embarrassment, probably with a laugh and some comment/excuse along the lines of "This happens to me with everybody, I'm terrible with names". In my experience, this is an extremely common mistake among people, so it rarely causes a lot of offense. Again, I do agree that a 20-something year old, calling a 60 something year old a young lady is more than a bit overboard. Fact. If youre looking for a lighthearted way to jokingly call someone old, then geezer is the perfect term. Old People Ive seen people say similar things, and invariably the other person then gets really uncomfortable and you can see them thinking, Oh no, is this person acknowledging theyre old?
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