i hate working i want to be a housewife

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing ineating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change. What, do I just choose to enjoy the pain and humiliation? Let the OP know they arent alone, and others have found workable solutions. I lucked out because I was in a union and made a super wage and could bounce from job to job. Id venture that you have a very severe case of existential angst. Most importantly, once I made it clear I didnt care what people thought of me, I started getting respect. I still dont like doing chores but its different now, because its all my mess and all my stuff. Im still not fully satisfied with my performance. Feelings are feelings and struggles are still struggles regardless of your situation. Its not all chocolate bon-bons. Occupational Therapists are people who help those with medical issues perform basic tasks, such as putting on their shoes, moving around their house, etc. Those are the things I am conceptualizing and rejecting as being tomato. +1. The hackneyed platitudes that struck you as the most helpful advice to provide under the circumstances are the very same platitudes EVERYONE (save, perhaps, for the tiny percentage of children raised exclusively by adults who have never worked, ever, for whatever reason) hears ad nauseam long before were legally of an age to earn even the most modest paycheck. If anyone has a mental condition (depression, anxiety, etc), your advice can be very damaging. My husband absolutely did. By the way, OPs body shakes at work sound like when I have a panic attack. You are being stupid. I start crying when I think about others go through. So here is the trick. Physical chemical changes in your brain are not something someone can control, it is in no way a choice to have a panic attack or depression or mania or any other physical manifestation of a chemical imbalance or injury (physical or mental.) Great point about diabetes, Green. Rachael is a New York-based writer and freelance writer for Verywell Mind, where she leverages her decades of personal experience with and research on mental illnessparticularly ADHD and depressionto help readers better understand how their mind works and how to manage their mental health. So while your second paragraph there is *exactly* what gets me through rough times and its how I try to coach people I know through their own difficulties, I would never ever boil that down into a one line platitude because it removes the important parts o the message in ways that are detrimental to the people who actually need it. Answer (1 of 5): You can't diagnose a medical/mental illness by the fact that you consider yourself to be lazy. A side note: Despite the fact that I consistently show up early, stay late, do excellent work, and mostly do my best (especially when it counts), I havent felt particularly appreciated by my employer for quite a while, and in a strictly economic arrangement like a job, its hard to maintain gratitude when its not a two-way street. If you live in a city with a lot of traffic, then working from home could help you to avoid sitting in rush-hour every morning and evening. As someone who works in the mental health field, I get so tired of the misuse of diagnoses especially bipolar. Good employees dont need to have gratitude; their employment is a two-way business arrangement where both are benefitting and they know they could go elsewhere if they decided to. Im constantly fighting the urge to flee, and sometimes its so strong that I contrive an excuse just to step out for a few minutes. Some cancers have 5 year mortality rates close to 100% Pancreatic cancer, for instance, has a 6% 5 year survival rate, and a 20% 1 year survival rate. I, of course, knew some people didnt like their job. And then, you grit your teeth and grin because its preferable to, like, growling at people or focusing on what makes you miserable. On the few jobs I had with my life, I broke down multiple times, once even tried to walk myself onto oncoming traffic and jump off a window, but stopped myself in the nick of time. I went to therapy for this, and it really helped. According to a 2022 Gallup report on the global workplace, just 21% of employees feel engaged at work while the rest feel emotionally detached (60%) or downright miserable (19%). The 6-3 decision arrives one day after the Court struck down affirmative action in college admissions. Sunny-dee, I have to agree with you. If you feel your supervisor is not necessarily the best person to help you grow your skill-sets, then reach out to someone in your network. To spend 8+ hours a day having your spirit crushed, to miss out on life, to buy a car, clothes, shelter, and gas with wages that enable you to go back tomorrow and relive this never ending nightmare, why? It may be that her performance isnt as bad as she thinks. I feel I had so much potential but never the energy. This post was so helpful to me, I saved it in my browswer favorites. Being at home all day gives you an advantage becauseyou can educate yourself and thus work on yourself. These considerations are particularly relevant when money is tight enough that affordable mental health services are a concern. There are industrial-organizational psychologists, who study work environments and people at work. Id be curious to hear if this is limited to the OPs work environment, though It sounds to me like it is completing work itself, whether thats on the job or at home completing chores. We try to find something we enjoy doing for a large amount of time every week for the majority of our lives and some of us get more out of it than others but even for those of us who love our jobs and love working, we arent working out of the sheer enjoyment of it. But they decided they wanted to carry on flipping burgers. Its kind of amazing how little Ive been able to do while still seeming like an amazing employee. It will require some effort on your part to help a counselor figure out what you like/tolerate/dislike and how those preferences plug into a career, but youve already listed out some important factors in your letter! It actually happened once, I really laid into a man I work with for no reason at all and when I was confronted about it later I was able to play it off as a joke (thankfully it was the week of April Fools Day). It was meant to be a live each day like your last kind of advice to get me motivated to get back to living. Does she know how miserable you are at this job? And for him, this is a symptom of his depression, which specifically limits and even halts his ability to get the little bursts of satisfaction and endorphins most of us get from stuff like work. I couldve ended up dead or in a hospital, and I wouldve felt happy the whole time until Id have gotten there. The worst was in college, I had a doctor just give me samples of an antidepressant over and over again. No disrespect to grandma, but the saying makes no sense. Talking therapy and/or antidepressants might help you, but theres no guarantee theyll work (at least long term), because I think your hatred of work is so deeply entrenched that I think the only thing that will fix it for good is getting a job you actually enjoy and are good at. Kindly pretending were doctors is not. I hate work too. Oh God, this is me. Not because youre broken for not liking to work (youre not), but because youre sodeeply unhappy with it. We all have the possibility to make someone elses life better. then I forgot. Employment-work and parent-work are both laborious but theyre also very very different and some people absolutely are better suited to one or the other just like with any job. For the OP, there are not many people that enjoy work. intelligent carpenter is usually confined to exhorting him not to be drunk and Im drawing the blank on the name of therapists who specialize in work, though! Hes not lost and hopeless and alone and totally unable to change this situation. Like the Serenity Prayer change what you can (which very much includes getting help! The doctor said, I bet you thought you were losing your mind, right? I said, Not any more! What a trip that was. I echo AAM. I just wrote a data collection report at work for the 72 possible triggers in a nursing admission assessment that could signal a need for an OT evaluation. So while being, say, a food critic specializing in Mexican and Italian restaurants would be untenable, a career as a tomato farmer would not trouble me, even though I hate tomatoes is still a valid and correct statement. Yes, there is a lot of laundry to wash, and it takes a lot of time to clean up the house, but at least you use that time as you want. Hes not ungrateful. Hating every environment youve ever worked in may translate to having worked in a lot of similar environments at low-level positions, and there may be better options out there for you. The wifes earning potential might not be high enough to replace his. In fact, Im hoping to be fired from my current job because it, and my records of severe mental and physical illness will be more than enough to get me out of work for good and on SSDI. Eat dinner in your backyard when its nice out. This is fatigue, a bone-deep weariness that no nap or weekend lie-in seems to cure. Where I might really not like, say, changing the cat litter, but would get a small endorphin kick from seeing the clean and tidy result of it and from the subsequent improvement in smell, hed get only the misery and boredom and none of those little pleasure-centres in his brain would react in a way he can register. Good luck to you. But I think the OP is definitely on a different level. Its hard for me to describe how I used to be because I keep stopping and thinking, really? Then its easier to get back to it. I bet youd be surprised about what your wife can handle. Once you became an adult, you figured all your decisions should be based on being a responsible adult. You might feel like complaining about the same bad job day after day is a burden on your loved ones. What more do I have to do to not be this way? Thats extremely counter-productive. I feel incredibly fortunate to work with some fantastic OTs who have multiple coverage areas. When I dont work up to expectations, I hate my job. He was completely out of line. Its much easier to reconcile and overcome your challenges if you accept and address your feelings first. I am a Stepford Smiler big time because I have to be, but it doesnt help so much. I find that I am much more equipped to deal with day to day at work when I have a vacation on the calendar even if its just a long weekend to do nothing but what *I* want to do, like read a book and take a walk. In other words, hes a complete and total mooch that depends on friends, family, and the taxpayers to support him because he decided he was done with working. Please stop this. Life is hard enough without feeling miserable all day long. I even was enrolled in a gifted program as young as elementary school. 'Am I the Only One Who Hates Working From Home?' - The Cut Like, if youve ever seen Newsies I want to be the person whispering in Christian Bales ear (actually I want that for other reasons, but I digress). A dash of it is enough. OP also seems convinced that they absolutely must be the breadwinner for their family, and thats something worth talking over with a therapist too. Although there is a difference between a stretch break and a 15 minute break in the eyes of employers. Even though I couldnt realistically hand-pick projects the way someone like Alison could, the reassurance that I can drop something like a hot potato if I needed to keeps pressure down even if the stakes are objectively high. I made a career change and chose my entire new field based on the feasibility of self employment. But it sounds like you just cant stand the system of wage-earning work, so doing something personally meaningful like child rearing could be great for you! fails*. Its just a trade of money for services, right? Most kids delay them or try to get out of them or complain. as well as other partner offers and accept our. I have seen that one myself and have had folks with diabetes talk to me about it. I would have done/thought that? But at this point, I feel like Im too old to make many changes. I dont think people should go into teaching just because they hate their office jobs, but maybe your hatred of being in an office is indicative of you needing a job thats less office joblike. You are just as capable of caring for a child and home as she is, she just may have more practical experience of it right now than you do, but you can learn all of that if you are motivated to. As a housewife,the stereotype that you will be bored at home is entirely wrong. TAing was one of the jobs I hated most, ugh. Ive really loved coworkers, and there are a couple of tasks I enjoy. I even get anxious in meetings, because I feel like people will call me out and attack my work in front of others. My experience through most of my life was really similar to yours, and a few years with a good therapist has made such a world of difference I can barely articulate it. Shes been described as Africas most successful woman, one of the most powerful women in global television, and the African Oprah.. I was not born with a naturally sunny disposition. I said it was a dissenting opinion theres too much coddling in the workplace today. So dont think bad about women who work all day and dont spend time with their children. Theres strength, not weakness, in being able to say that youre unhappy and being willing to search for answers. Do you think you would feel the same way about a job where you were active and moving, like a skilled trade or something? Yes. There are people out there that hate their cars and then there are people who have never owned a car and would love ANY car. No such thing.. :). I think OP has made a first step by reaching out to AAM, I hope that he will take the suggestions here and seek counseling. This advice says that happiness, and therefore unhappiness, is a choice. Do yourself a favour, throw the work wear, mobile phone and car keys away and live basic until you know what you want. So what dealing with this in therapy has looked like (and continues to look like) for me, in a few nutshells: -Discussing my feelings about work with my therapist (which in itself was helpful, because I also thought that my feelings about work meant that I was somehow lesser than other people); I love work. This was my thought, too (still get therapy, OP). If anyone could handle lifes strains and stresses youd expect it to be a member of the special forces, right? So in addition to possibly checking with a mental health professional, Id make sure to check with a physical help professional too. Not good! I have my good days and bad days, I schedule every moment of my life including chores, but my default setting is exactly how you described. Not everyone needs to be a go getter, sheesh; see LilyinNYCs comment), then for a baby all day isnt for you. (Unless your parents are awesome, in which case you can be your parents!) I could have written something very similar. (And, I have a STELLAR reputation at this job, and past jobs. You can read and write a book on your computer and still click over to excel. The bigger problem is that I just have no idea what I want to do or like to do. Whether that might make you more sad if you were missing the fun, but I like seeing my daughter having a great time, even if I cant be there for it. Thats the extent of it. Especially when your husband is at work. They ran the licensed daycare out of their home, and could have a lot more kids than with just one adult. We also dont expect people to do the bare minimum like the OP wishes to do. Maybe its a cultural thing, I dont know. The spouse is going to take a dim view of things if she goes back into the workforce only to find that she has to do all the house chores as well. I need a full day of completely doing nothing to feel decompressed. It is important to speak with your supervisor about your dream job and see if they can assist you in making your dream a reality. I love money more than anything and I put effort into my work and pleasing my coworkers so they feel justified in having me and paying me. Some days Im trying my very best to concentrate and keep my nose to the grindstone, and to churn out more than the bare minimum, but I find myself constantly getting drawn away, constantly distracting myself. The first thing Id try is therapy, actually. 2023 Vox Media, LLC. What IS the baseline for productivity realistically? Local government clerk in a small town. I am not sure if it is a therapy issue. Yes! Theres something so smug and short-sighted about framing your natural tendencies as virtues and suggesting that other people just need to try to be more like you. As the child of a blue collar single mom who has worked at blue collar (pink collar) jobs, I think the people here who dont seem to be blue collar workers should get to know some of them. I think if attitude of gratitude was going to work for him, he would have tried it by now and he would not be writing Alison. All the advice here is for your consideration and can be deeply inaccurate. No fewer than 12 new designer collaborations with Mattel allow anyone to be the doll of her dreams. The thing that really stood out for me was this one thing the LW said I also cant stand having a boss and the fact that another adult can tell me what to do. I think for you LW, getting a good therapist and getting to the bottom of this would clear up a lot of things (and how far does this go, can your wife tell you to take out the trash?). The math doesnt make any sense to me, a work day is all about wake up and get ready for work, travel to and from work, spend all day at work, and come home and take care of your relationship, house-hold, and nutrition needs before collapsing in exhaustion and doing it all over again. So, perhaps volunteering in a situation where the beneficiaries are told what to do all the time could help him feel like being told what to do is not about work, but about being a human being in a complex society, since there are very few people who can always avoid being told what to do. Its like when youre crying and someone tells you to cheer up. Of course that can lead to incredible resentment and unhappiness many women who have felt forced into not having a job because of how they were born have felt the same way. But not far off. What you may have noticed is these activities usually cause you to focus on what you do not like about your job. The four to do laundry, dishes, eat, and bank. I love my career. Im currently an inspector building these luxury mansions for the ultra-rich, then I come home to my shitty apartment in the city and its a total downer. Excessive anxiety or being miserable just because you have a job those are not part of the human condition. Talk to people doing the job youd like to do. Its incredibly lonely and isolating, and it has sapped my motivation to work. I hate being told to work faster. I have hypothyroidism, which manifested as extreme anxiety, sleeplessness, shakes, and depression. Your friends will wonder why you dont have enough self-respect and are satisfied with such small things. But it actually breaks my heart for people to lose hope like that. I did various things to keep my brain alive during classes that I am forbidden from doing at work. Therapy at various stages has been invaluable. perhaps therapy can help you identify a non-desk, minimal-interaction with others kind of job. My friend is very wise, though, and she told me, theres no winning at grief. What do you do as a hobby you might need a different career. Helping others is an idea that redeems the OP, but the rest of the things on the list are just about personal pleasure. Nevertheless, I experienced anger and frustration, sometimes fear or dread, types of panic and aggression that seemed adrenalin-related, at workplaces, consistently, throughout my life, whenever I had to go to one. And, were in basically the most expensive city in the US. I have interesting conversations with different types of professional men and even a handful of celebrities. The thing is, no one would willingly choose to be so terrified and miserable that they could not get out of bed, function in public, leave the house, or so filled with self-hatred that they wanted to die. I think, though, sometimes, something more along the line of Have you considered/been tested for x or I have (those symptoms) and it turned out to be x can be helpful. I knew one guy who COINCIDENTALLY managed to slip, fall, and hurt his knee and go out on workmans comp on the first week of almost every job I ever knew of him having. This leads to nervousness and other problems. All rights reserved. I would actually love to have an AMA/Ask A Manager poster about your experience with almost becoming a nun. Yes, this. No crooked table legs or ill-fitting drawers ever, I dare swear, came out of There are lots of jobs that take people away from their hobbies, and thats just part of life. I also agree that you should absolutely get your physical health thoroughly checked out. More things to discuss in therapy. Let me first say that this email might come across as whiny and/or juvenile, but I want you to know on the front end that I truly want input and help. The OP is clearly very self-aware and clearly wants to not feel this way. But thats most peoples reality. Thanks in advance. Its a very effective way of marginalizing a voice! I'm based in a big city, and I live in a small one-bedroom apartment. I tell you this not because I think you are rebelling but to tell you there is hope. Thats a long way of saying Prescription: Stop being depressed., Grandma probably never suffered from depression.. It may not feel like enough, but theres no point torturing ourselves when everybody else thinks were doing just fine. (My symptoms were different, but those were things I was asked about. I speak from experience, I used to have a career but I always used to to detest working in an organisation, I used to get really stressed out and in the end I was lucky to find a way of making a small living being self-employed doing far less work than I used to. HA! Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, coworker says she hates me and refuses to have any contact and my boss told me to fix it, my boss complains when I can afford vacations that he can't take, employer said I didn't have enough "passion" when I couldn't interview on a Saturday. Voice of dissent here having strong feelings of hating work isnt necessarily about work.
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