My friends accuse me of living vicariously through her, and its true I did not have the chances she does, I did not have the parental support she does and I feel I did not live up to my full potential. I dream of the life you have now. Mother-daughter actors Laura Dern and Diane Ladd share all in Honey He had an on tap single Mom who struggled to give him everything. my husband accepted my kids as his own, as I did his son-who is a year older than my oldest son. We know hes not good for her but he somehow pulls her his way and we pretty much lose her. What do I do? This positive emphasis will be received better than attempts to educate her regarding the boyfriend. Wish you the best. Life has been complicated for around 10-13 years now--we've been through the gambit with both kids; runaways, drugs, alcohol, verbal & physical abuse, destruction of our home, stealing from us, cops at our door for a variety of reason We just NEVER thought this would happen to us or our kids! Her heart gets broken every time and each time she meets someone new, they always seem to be nice at . Just simply no respect for my rules, my house, husband, children or me. Your Daughter at 18 and Beyond: Milestones - WebMD Rather, focus on how to improve her life, what options are available, etc. Curves in places women died for. My lawyer said I couldnt prove he had a drug problem and that even mentioning it would seem like I was making it up. They can give you information on the types of support services available in your area such as counselors, therapists, support groups/kinship services as well as various other resources. But I'm tired of being used. spent the last year or so focusing on what is best to do for me and the family. If their "rebellion" is visiting their grandmother then go you guys. Last night, he told me he did not like me, and he could not wait to get away from me. This entire situation is making me physically ill. News conference Operation Family Affair (June 26, 2023) | media Most of the important people in my life are borderline and I had to figure out why I put up with and attract these personalities. Are you feeling frustrated because your child is in a potentially harmful situation, or because the choices he or she made dont fit in with your goals for their life? I took parenting courses and read parenting books. I have three adult biological children and life is SO not EVER what I thought my family would become. I needed to read it and the replies. I got her to agree to go back but they refused to see her because she had missed so many session the last time she was there. Im 75 she is 52. today. Looking back, we wish we had shipped her off somewhere when she was 17. I guess she is not ready to leave the nest. I managed to get my BSBM and my Cosmetology license. They are both star athletes, honor students, nondrinkers, and really nice kids. She alienates them from their families and convinces them she is the only one capable of making decisions for them, then once they are reliant on her she drops them. Youngest is a bit of a free spirit not really a problem, marriage is about done due to disagreements with wife over the ongoing divorce. Signs of a Victim Mindset. I do however miss them terribly and my grandchildren and have planned to relocate to be near them. Each loss is an opportunity for her to practice not being a sore loser. We did this by allowing him to get away with too much not holding him accountable for anything and giving into what he wants or says he needs to keep him comfortable and keep the peace. Acknowledge that the officials may make calls that not everyone will like. My disappointment, shame and failure is so enormous that I cant handle it and think about leaving. I am sorry to hear the stories that was shared under this topic. I did rage though and got help for that. My brother was borderline. 1. Teach your child about feelings and help him develop healthy coping strategies to deal with those feelings. I wish you the best and sincerely hope that things will work out in your family. I already know all of that is my fault and i afraid of changing because I afraid of my dad.I know that this blog is for parents,but after I read your blog I believed that you guys can help me solved my problem,so that I can make my dad happy,Im sorry if i write too long. Is there any way they can communicate to him that he needs to up his hospitality game? Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. What do I do? All 3 of mine are screwed up. And the opposite also happened. Lost my husband about 2 years ago. $2,600 I do not have for custody battle. I had developed ways to work with my ADD. As parents of adult children, we can still fall into some of those less effective roles James Lehman talks about in the Total Transformation. She is addicted to him. Indicated they will have to make deposits on utilities, apartments, get a checking and savings account and direct deposit of their paycheck. When kids can identify their feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration, theyre less likely to act them out. She doesn't stop posting even if they hurt her feelings. We have a very similar path borderline daughter doesnt live her potential so many issues success all around and we are just trying to survive, let alone deal with all these relatives and friends with their PHD kids. I have ask her to stop bring someone to my house. I have one more child who hasn't made it to 18 yet. I did this to them. But I am tired, just went through a painful divorce, ridding myself of an abusive husband. I really believe our kids were lost in translation growing up, They think in black and white and have never learned or cannot see the different shades of grey possibilities in life. Source: Was a teen who rebelled into bad things to make parents mad. They have had difficult teen/young adult years and I just want it to be easier for them, but they think I am just negative about everything they do. He threatened to leave her every week and finally moved out After 4 months of marriage . He gets therapy and takes meds but I see him getting worse. She becomes unmotivated when shes with him. She has been brainwashed that her parents are the enemy, that he is her only hope for true love, and that all actions to help her are actually actions to destroy their wonderful relationship. That's how I feel and I blame myself for the struggles they've had. He smothers her. Know all your options and allow her to participate in the selection. Teach Anger Management. []. If you have family members to spend time with and who love you, simply let them know things are difficult and ask for privacy. A hopeful aspect is related to this same situation. discussion. Give them your support and guidance if they ask for it, but try not to force it on them. They moved to a different apt. Prostitution, Prison, Drugs, Abusive Relationship, Homelessness, Borrowing money, Stealing - are all apart of their lives making their bad choices my problems to bear. That has been my plan. I completely feel your pain. He is a wonderful guy but she is bad for him, after going on vacation with his parents and she went on and on about her no God beliefs (they are Catholic) his parents put the pressure on to break up, I can't say I blame them. Unless there is, abuse or neglect occurring, there may not be much you can do about how she, chooses to raise her children. I am taking tennis and dance lessons and filling my days up with things that I enjoy. 2023 Empowering Parents. Each of these negative effects is described fully below. Not yet done with school mind you. He has at least 18 of the Loser traits in your article. Dad is the good guy - Im the bad guy. She may not know how to leave him or she may be afraid he will harm himself (a common Loser threat) if she leaves. I apologized for any hurts that I caused her, but to blame us for the path she chose and saying we didn't prepare her for life on her own, I can't deal. Two in particular you may find helpful are https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/i-caught-my-child-lying-how-to-manage-sneaky-behavior-in-kids/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/kids-and-lying-does-your-child-twist-the-truth/ We appreciate you writing in. Instead of saying, Youre the fastest runner on the team, say, I like the way you cheered for the other kids today. Point out good sportsmanship and emphasize the importance of treating others respectfully. My 35 yr old daughter said what do you have to do? These include feeling powerless, having a negative outlook, blaming others, and more. This is a bit outside the scope of what we are able to offer suggestions on. As Ive discussed, the bad part is his strong influence on her social and emotional development during a critical time in her life. If youre feeling this way, it might be helpful to take a step back and ask yourself which is better having a child who is outwardly successful, or one who isinwardly happy? But I think you already read some stories here, and it opened your eyes somewhat. They all seem to have ADHD in common. Which leads back to them saying we have ruined their lives, their disrespect, their lack of tolerance for any feedback and leaning on usbecause WE OWE THEM. They fought all the time in front of the kids( he has a 9 yr old son). I think one of the main reasons why daughters are are closer to their dads are less promiscuous is because the dads are in the daughters lives to teach them about different life facts and make sure they stay on the right path. However, I realize this is not working. I hope that you will continue to write in and let us know how things are going for you. What it tells me is that I am a good person but I have kids who are in their 30's and are mature enough to make their own decisions. Sometimes I think she does this purposely because friends and family can see it. Irresponsible, and not mature. Now I have nothing..and no one. Two things circle overhead when were having a difficult time vultures and angels. She's lying and doing drugs. As she sees other men his age working, with a family, focusing on a career, she will come to realize that he is, after all, a Loser. Why Your Tween Might Think You're a Loser | HowStuffWorks They are engaged, and because we asked him to get a job (he hasnt worked or gone to school for months and months), he refuses to come to our home or speak to us. I was and am a good mother.